I’ve been trying this new style of Self-Portraits lately. I create these with my Canon Digital Rebel XTi that I purchased with one of my paychecks when I graduated from college. I did them in black and white on timer with one light source from my lighting kit and umbrella. I’m also limiting retouching by only adding light to areas that are too dark (opposite of the single light source). This was suggested by Pari Dukovic.
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore– And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over– like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
-Langston Hughes
I’ll let you know what happens to a dream deferred. In retrospect everything that transpired in the past few hours made complete sense. I highly suggest adhering to gut feelings, always go with them. It’s actually more of a blessing than anything and now pursuing other ventures makes things so much easier. Now I can add that to my bucket list (or 102 things to do before I die). Wow 2010 is teaching me all the things necessary to grow up and I never realized how talented I was until my friends pointed it out yesterday. I really do alot of things. Now to find my niche!
Another huge surprise: My incredible twitter support system. Although I’ve often thought that disclosing so much of me online makes me feel narcissistic … yesterday just seemed like a great idea and the @Jerlyn … responses were very positive. I do want to thank all of my followers! With that said, I will try to make something special for you guys in the next few days!
Anyway the news: I’m available for freelance and fulltime work via http://www.jerlynthomas.com/
I did this interview this past weekend, sorry that it’s posted late. I was interviewed by Masborn’s crew and this is the result posted here.
Dominica Source is about lives of people from my country: The Commonwealth of Dominica. I left there when I was 11 years old and settled on the island of St. Croix until I went off to college. I don’t remember too much of it but I do remember how life was. It was a daily struggle of survival and when I reflect on my life I notice how fortunate I’ve been so far. It was great doing this and hopefully I’ll get to inspire others somehow.
I felt really natural during this interview and hope you’ll encourage the development of Dominica Source, I think it’s a fantastic idea.
Here are some reposted videos but you can read the article here. Thanks Dominica Source 
They are @Dominicasource on twitter.com
These are 17 random shots that I took ranging from college to now. 
Clarence in a coffee shop.
Clarence from xmanstudios in a coffee shop.
Rose from a date.
Manhattan view in Dumbo
Skateboarder who allowed me to take his photo.
Lafayette Ave in Brooklyn
St. Croix, Virgin Islands
Purple Papaya in St. Croix
No Parking, but how about, “Just say NO.”
Sun in the trees
Graffiti in Rochester NY
My ex
An ex-coworker’s last day.
Random pair of jeans
My shoes, I always take photos in these angles
The way home…
My friend Kimmie & her friend, I always liked taking photos of her.
Haha most of this will be cynical but wait until the end.
I am starting to write this on December 28th – 3 days away from the New Year in hopes that I cover everything that I’ve experienced this year and that I learned from. What an insanely crazy year it has been. It’s not able to be published on December 31st some hours before I sleep to prep for my trip to DC.
I will try to order from January through December – I’ve linked some posts.
January
In January I didn’t say Happy New Year in my blog, maybe that’s what started the events of a bad year. So, before I give a consolidated post about 2008 I will say, “Happy New Year” – just in case I don’t get to tell you tomorrow.
The starting of 2008, I did have a boyfriend named Alex (for our 2nd New Year together). We spent it at some friend, Dorothee’s apartment. I haven’t hung out with her for months now (I also learned how to smoothly drift apart from certain friends this year – I will explain later maybe in another post). I thought I was at my happiest moment in life starting the New Year with a kiss from the one I loved at the time and being around very exuberant people.
As you can see, I was very happy here.
Alex and Jerlyn
Also in January: I finished coding themissionnyc.com website with Danah Givens, I purchased the Digital SLR that I had always wanted, I was an ISFP, Nikki Perry left the company that I currently worked for, I sort of hated my job for reasons beyond my control (an ACD made my life hell), I was obsessed with Scrabulous on facebook, I paid attention to my weight and consumption and I began having second thoughts about my relationship and came to the conclusion that the grass always seems greener on the other side so I should stay put.
February
Flowers for Valentines Day
I started coding my portfolio in AS 3.0. I started questioning my happiness some more. I acknowledged that the people that I have encountered on facebook aren’t exactly friends but people that I allow to access my profile. My boyfriend at the time thought he was happier than I was, I never believed him and still don’t. . I’m very appreciative of what I have and I am happy to be blessed with a lot of self confidence. I felt like a cog in a machine at my job. Everything was winding down out of control. I also found out that I had an older brother. I made 23. I questioned my intelligence and my degree on paper. Did a photoshoot of Kimmie.
Kimmie
March
I did more knitting in March. I also made Business Cards for my company: Jadersworld Creative LLC.
Colorful Yarn
I was called the n-word by a woman Natalie that I had befriended the year prior who attempted to get me arrested but just became an internet laughing stalk. I blame my acquaintance with her on my ex as well (since I probably seem like I am blaming him) – she wasn’t anyone I would have considered a friend. I became addicted to Design Sponge Online. I confirmed that I would be voting for Obama. I bought a sewing machine. I started reading more. I began focusing on geni.com some more. I went to Atlantic City for the first time.
April – My best & worst month
I learned the value of life because April was the start of uncontrollable events this year. Although I have to question March. I entered the Cannes Young Lions Competition with Missy from my job.
Cannes Young Lions
Johanna Tysk left the company. I was promoted as Senior Interactive Graphic Designer, I cried because I was having an awful time under my manager who I still blame for giving me such a miserable time. When I thought things couldnt get much worst the promotion was announced one day before my brother died. I was out celebrating my promotion with then boyfriend, Alex, and I received a frantic call from my aunt numerous times. I went outside to listen to the message and to call her back her response: “They KILLED HIM!” I proceeded to as, “WHO! WHO!” and she couldn’t answer properly so I called my mom and she told me my brother, I felt dizzy and wanted to pass out. Alex and I took a cab back to our home. In April, I understood how death affects you when you’re close to the person. It made me realize that I may need to say more. The last words to Gilbert J. Thomas was, “Take Care ok.” I am still not sure how the man who shot him looks like.
Gilbert J Thomas
I wrote the Eulogy and designed the funeral books. This was also the month that I found out that my dad had a “fiancee” (supposedly). While on the island for the funeral I also found out that my boyfriend at the time was busy messaging random women on the internet (while his gf was grieving the loss of her brother). I confronted him with it and said he was being selfish. He was also studying for exams and claimed he just needed friends and that he had to do all these chores by himself and missed me around (and blah blah). I attempted to break up with him and I was being irrational to him. I said I’d speak about it when I got back because I was busy with dealing with my brother.
May
The funeral took 3 weeks to get together. My brother looked different in the coffin. I tried not to cry when I delivered the Eulogy. Many people kept calling us and I got an awful call from one of my aunts before that happened. It ended up being a call that would probably never make me forgive her. She said that if my brother was living with her, he’d never be dead. I sent corrections to the newspaper for the orbituary. The day he was buried, the weather was nice out. His friends all wore shirts with his photo on it. Everyone was there to help comfort us.I came back to NYC on the 12th.
Friends and Family
I added my brother’s favorite song, “I’m on the Rock,” by Movado to my iPod and played it over and over. I kept remembering my brother’s voice in my head. The way he pronounced my name when he tried getting my attention. I got angry at myself for everytime I got angry at him – then forgave myself because life must move on. I tried wondering when I would ever stop crying. I also learned how to make Egg Plant Parmesan. My ex also hated that I made it often and he never complained about my food before :-/, so I took it elsewhere and someone else loved it.
Egg Plant Parmesan
I thought about writing a biography of my brother, then realized that I do not know of him as much, especially in this past year before his death.
The launch of the site under my awful manager at the time, launched. I was ecstatic and I asked to be removed from his team because dealing with the strains of mourning and work-stress was unbearable. My tolerance level dropped to nothing. I became a cold-hearted person and a realist.
I gave myself a haircut and the last day I went out with Alex, I realized things were changing. He came to meet my friends and I at K-Town for dinner and he acted like a dick and everyone around me noticed. I thought it was his studying that made him this way, so I apologized to my friends.
June
I got a new baby sister (well 1/2 sister) as almost a surprise. She was named Curlyn or Kerlyn… either one made me feel strange and a weird sense of flattery. Obama won as democratic candidate and I was excited. I started a Recipe Blog. Alex broke up with me, after a little over 2 years on June 6th. I felt indifferent because I was still mourning my brother. I still thought he was being selfish and I investigated to find the truth. I found a web of lies and felt that I could do better. His friend Katheryn said I wasn’t ready for someone like him. I disagreed and noticed that he wasn’t good enough for me so I had a smooth transition into singleness (which I must say I enjoyed all through the rest of this year until this post). I was also happy to rid myself of negativity, his conditioning and non-open mindedness.
I made 1 year at the company that I worked at.
Everyone at work thought I was glowing.
Single and Free
I began looking for a place to live and wanted to get out as soon as possible and agreed to live with Danah Givens. I tried getting along with my ex for the duration of the month but I found out the entire truth about the breakup including the mutual friends we had. I befriended the woman he was trying to talk to and she sent me an email telling me the truth. So I let his family know. I let them know about him contacting women on craigslists as well. He went psychotic. I almost regretted it and didn’t haha.
I started going out more.. on dates even if the breakup was fresh because I knew I deserved better . There was no room for forgiveness at the time but I did end up later this year.
Rose from my Date
I also got a new desk/cube
My New Cube
July
I moved to Brooklyn. I realized who my closer friends were. Kimmie is a really good person. I drove the UHaul from Queens to Brooklyn and she came along.
Kimmie helped me move.
I went to my first dubwar event.
Dub wars
I turned down men who wanted to be in relationships with me because I didn’t want to be in anything serious.
I met with my other 1/2 sister after years of not seeing each other. She didn’t seem weird thankfully haha, hey girl! Apparently we have some features, yah including the forehead – go ahead say it.
Lucinda Thomas
I called Chad randomly. He said he wanted to visit me. I paid off my credit cards completely. My credit score shot up! I completed antanderik.com as part of my freelance. I also redid my portfolio finally:
As3 Portfolio
My mom gave me a journal to write in. I use it now and then but it’s mostly to write about how certain people that I date makes me feel… and my thoughts on my brother’s death. I befriended Heiesuke from heiesuke.com. I found out that the person who killed my brother was using racially charged words before he shot him from behind.
August
My brother would have been 19. I was visited by my first close guyfriend in college ever, Chad.We were first friends in 2003.
Chad and Me
Danah and I threw a houseparty, the events that led up to this made me realize we wouldn’t be good roommies. I tried Argentine Tango and loved it. I started taking photos of models and learning to retouch with the help of Heiesuke.
Brittani Smith
I decided to go to Florida to go skydiving. It fell through because of the weather but we went to a club.
In Florida
I hadn’t seen my friend Shanna (on left) for years – almost 5.
September
The racist girl from February had befriended my friend and he contacted me after months and said, “That’s history. We are not talking anymore… she is a slut.” However, since I had my way of determining friendship I decided he wasn’t that good of a friend either. I started letting my hair grow. I donated to cancer research. I also started practicing for a 5K race for breast cancer research.
This was my number at the 5K Race
My friend Yvonne and I finished it in 34 minutes with over 25,000 people.
Yvonne and I
I had an awful roommate and she just had to go. It was weird because we worked together so when people asked it was just weird explaining why. However, I figured I needed someone who communicated better and wasn’t socially challenged. I tried redecorating.
Bathroom redecoration
October
I found out that my last roommate was a crazy psychotic b-word haha, at 4am one morning (read post here). OJ was found guilty. I drew on my desk.
My Desk
I found out that I was allergic to my then roommate’s dog so we couldn’t live together. I got another haircut which cost $250 because I had everything done to it.
Haircut
It did look fabulous. I even went out on a few dates. Palin who ran with McCain was a bad choice. I even considered being Republican before her. I decided to design a shirt in support of Obama. I went to a Lady Gaga Concert with Kimmie.
Kimmie and Me!
November
I voted in my first presidential elections for Obama. I was happy to be a part of History. I cried because here I was: a once-immigrant voting in America. November was also the month that I exercised my femininity. I knew what I wanted and I decided to cut off men that were playing games. I took a random trip to St. Croix to surprise my mom and dad. I am happy that I went and loved the warm weather for awhile. I relaxed and revived to go back to work (took 6 days). I decided to date Chad, after we visited his parents for Thanksgiving and loved them (but in December I realized we were wrong for each other). We considered via phone and decided to try to visit each other in North Carolina. It ended up seeming like more work than what it would have been worth.
My personality test showed that I was an ENFP versus an ISFP that I started off as earlier in the year.
December
I started working 12-16 hour days. To launch the last site: recipes.dinnermadeeasy.com. Even with the long hours, I loved to appreciate my job because I am respected even more now. I also started paying more attention to geni.com and watched the tree grow to over 1300 people connected. I did a lot of research on my great grandmother who died at the age of 114. I learned to appreciate the closest of my friends, such as Kimmie and Lissette. I understood why I was different from lots of my peers (not that crazy we just have different paths of life). By the way, I did learn to forgive my ex but not forget what he did. Xmas came and went, and the point that I am at now is: crossing over to the new year in a beautiful friendship turned relationship, that I hope goes well. I am in reckless abandon. Note to you new year debbie downers – don’t call my phone with any BS this year or I won’t answer hahah see y’all in 2009! Happy New Year! I have no resolutions – maybe I will be less cynical, deal?
I am heading to DC for New Years. I’m excited!
December 15th
On my way to work, another Monday.
I want to thank the woman who swiped me in today my metrocard wasn’t working. It made me wonder about the good deeds that I was suppposed to do each day. Sadly I am stuck in the train, because there’s a sick passenger at the next stop.
Well thank god there’s a new This American Life episode so I am listening to it.
—-
The day was incredibly painful. I feel sick so all I could think of was to head home to lie on my bed. Also when I listened to music they all seemed annoying. I hate being sensitive to noise. I honestly to not believe my day was productive. However, I did book my tickets to flash on the beach in Florida.
——
It’s Tuesday in two months I will be 24. I need to set some things up for my life. I have an idea what but men isn’t a part of it currently. I think being single for so long has made it difficult for me to let people in. Yea Chad’s probably better off as my friend as of late. I know I think I fell in love with possibilities once again. It may be the distance – however it just seems so much easier and less distracted with being celibate and abstinent.
Hence I will be spending Christmas alone figuring things out for the new year. I am currently on my way to work, hopefully I will feel better a bit later but for now I am sadden by how different each of us was so we’d probably never been able to work out. C’est la vie. Tout vient à point à qui sait attendre. Everything comes to him who waits.
——
Wednesday
We have our company party today. Last night I met with Lissette and Yvonne (her friend). A beautiful woman for a Godiva event. It was Godiva Liqueur which was exceptionally amazing. I love the Godiva Champagne. I had the pumpkin and truffle but it’s definitely better as a champagne. It’s like a chocolate party in your mouth.
I sadly didn’t win the raffle. I hope our company party will be as memorable this year as it was last. However I am thinking that the Godiva liquer didn’t help my cough. Duh right?
I am not giving up alcohol.
—–
Company party was today. It wasn’t like last year’s. Someone else was overly drunk this time. I took a cab home costing me 18.00 but I gave a huge tip. It was nice to not walk in my boots. I had fun dancing and such, later we went to the bars.
The crew at brass monkey
Thursday
It’s been 5 months since I have been living in Brooklyn. I am heading to work an hour later than usual. It’s only an hour behind – I am such a good employee . I may even make it to that meeting set up by the project manager that I was surprised that she wanted at 10:45 am after the night of the Christmas party. I admit that I was deliberately avoiding but I am sadly a morning person so despite my need of sleep, waking gave me energy – I give myself up to midday to crash haha.
I am also happy, the president asked me to design the presentation for the company and she really liked it. She even came by to thank me. I am sure that she thanks everyone but she is just incredibly nice.
I am more confident now of my work now more than ever just because I am at the stage now where my work improves by my looking. I really appreciate doing something I love as my job,
Jerlyn at Negril
On Thursday, on my way home. My umbrella failed me, can you believe that? So I opened it and it snapped while I was crossing the street… I don’t appreciate that! I am tempted to specially order one but I ended up getting one for $5 on the way home. It was pouring!
By the way I am connected to over 1200 people now on my family tree. So exciting! Also around 350 blood relatives.
I got to go clubbing on Friday. I kinda wish I had gotten those pair of boots that I wanted. I haven’t been out in awhile. It’s not like I need to go out to meet people or anything so I am taking a break from spending extra cash.
On the way home on Friday (sorry it’s random I was writing it in real time).
Oh great I think a mentally ill guy just sat next to me. Oh gosh the train I hate this shit sometimes. He is talking to himself – ok I just flipped out on him. He just touched me with his legs. So I asked him if he could move his legs he told me, “Can you go fuck yourself.” Wow. I swear that some people just live some miserable lives sometimes that they need attention or need to share their troubles indirectly with others. I turned and told him sharply, “Sir, I simply asked you KINDLY to move your legs.” Then I returned to my iPod. The train door opened at the next stop he says, “Oh! The train door opened here’s your chance to leave,” I actually almost did but he would have won so I ignored – he doesn’t know that I wasn’t paying attention. The door closed he says, “Oh! Guess you missed it,” it opened again, “Oh you have another chance!” The door closed, “Too late,” the train went in motion. I just ignored. I swear if he touched me I would smack him in the head haha.
A good thing: He left the train a few stops from me – *whew.*
- When I left the train, a woman came up to me and said, ” I love how you handled that I wouldn’t have been able to handle it like you did. I just wanted you to know that I had your back and I am sure everyone else on the train had your back because he was very obnoxious.”
Haha, I guess New York City can be unified at times.
This weekend I am trying to do some relaxation time.. I worked last weekend. I sadly have to do chores – it never ends.
——-
Right now I am on my way to meet up with Ibeliz. I haven’t seen/hung out with her in awhile. We are going to Sapphire Lounge. Sadly I headed out later than I anticipated so I am taking awhile to get a train. I also have to make a connection so it’s definitely going to take me abit to get there.
So I got there on time but we left and went to Negril. I love that place because of the Sorrel Mojitos. They are very yummy. Ibeliz and I were the only ones who ended up going. The night started a little weirdly for us because
a couple was invading our personal space. However as it progresed they realized we weren’t interested.
Ibeliz and I waiting for the F train.
I feel better today.
I am actually going to accomplish a lot today (well that is my intention anyway). I am currently organizing my entire apartment so I won’t be doing a great deal of things for awhile like — shopping (not like I can afford to anyway).
I guess my last post was out of frustration. It’s all relative. The thing is I am actually fortunate, lucky even, to have a job at all as I said but I am beginning to think that starring at a screen for 3/4 of the day isn’t a good idea. Especially if don’t make enough to buy things for people that I care about this year.
Chad and I had a discussion last night and I have to agree with a story that he told me about “your own personal hell” – so to speak. He told me about a woman who said her situation can’t be compared to those hungry children in Somalia because she has her struggle as well.. She isn’t eating like they aren’t eating. She can’t really feel sorry for them because her location is different (well that’s the excerpt). You don’t really understand someone’s struggles until you have experienced it yourself – is what I gather from this.
I know that I am doing better than half the population currently but my problems may not be relative. I am definitely not destitute but raise your hands if you agree that the balance of work an health is off-balance in corporate America and I am not the first one to complain.
Probably it’s time to change my career. I will be known as the girl who used to design/program.
Well I won’t be the first person to completely change their field. I used to think that I would have been a writer – until I was believed to have flunked English. This is interesting because in learning a new language (I am learning French) it doesn’t seem to bother me. French makes more sense to me than English ever did.
Anyway I tried thinking what my change of career would be besides designing/developing websites and I can’t imagine myself doing it.
Whoa! It’s only 9:15 and I am almost to work this has to be the earliest that the train has been since I’ve had these longer-than-regular days.
By the way, I have had an extra dose of coffee so this might help today.
Sent from my iPod Touch.
www.jerlynthomas.com
So I received my first Xmas gift and it’s from D(not sure if he wants his name on my blog). It’s a souvenir from Dominica.
I got this bright idea yesterday from him to take voice lessons because he heard me sing only to find out that it’s 80 dollars per hour. I will leave that for later when I want to splurge.
On the way to work and I am listening to Nina Simone. I may record something that she sang later. It would be guts to post it though. I like Sinner Man. It just doesn’t flow with lyrics but it’s filled with soul. Maybe I will sing the one that she did with Ray Charles, Baby It’s Cold Outside.
Anyway, the most proudest thing that I did in the past year was start a Geni Family Tree. Now I have about 800 people connected and over 270 blood relatives added to it. Yesterday I found 2 second cousins that I looked up on Facebook. The most remarkable person on it, to me, is: a woman named Elize/Eliza Phillip who died a few years ago. She lived in Dominica all her life. She died as a centenarian. She was my great grand mother. She was almost 115. I always said if she lived past my college graduation that I would ask her how she did it.
I remember visiting her in my youngest days and her daughter, Adothan. Adothan always had cookies/candy for us. I loved it there. However, I always had to remind “Ma Bradley,” of who I was. I always wondered if she really knew. The place smelled like old people as usual (you know how it is visiting your grandparents sometimes). But, I loved the decoration/furniture that they had. There were dolls and doilies – that Adothan would make. Sometimes we had food, I was surprised seeing my great grandmother in the kitchen at times. She turned 100 in 1988. Therefor she was born in the 1880s.. wasn’t that remarkable?
On the tree I added articles and photos found by research and provided by family members (I want to thank my relative Natalie for this – she is a new cousin that I found out that I had. She’s over 50 and lives in London). My great grand mother actually have records that verified her age which was pretty remarkable. Here are a few things posted:
( Drawing By Gabrielle Le Roux)
The tree is amazing. This is how it looks and you can start your own by joining Geni.com.
Anyway on another note:
I really like the song Flaws and All by beyonce. It reminds me of the type of guy I need in my life. One who will accept me like I will accept him. I truly believe that no one is perfect so finding someone who will just allow you to be you is just heaven-sent.
As for holiday plans:
Heading to NC. Not sure who else lives there, than the person that I am visiting.
Etcs.
Yah so with the wii fit and great dieting, my BMI is almost 20 as of this morning. Wow. Thanks again Justin.
—
Also I am doing abit of organization in my place… I am excited! I am also donating a lot of stuff!!!